I have a question

1 month ago 52

I have a question but in order to understand this question you'll need context I was 12 (F) when I got raped and he was 16 (m) and now I'm 20(f) and he's 24(f) is it normal to want to have rough sex with the person who raped me cause I'll start my day by cuddling with my fiance then get something to eat then I get horny thinking about the guy who raped me and I'll use a vibrator and imagine it's him pleasuring me instead note please I need advice

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