21 hours ago
4
Will try to give some bulllet points first just to clarify the situation and it will be a long post
• moved to current country in june 2024, left behind apartment, job, family, everything (still have the apartment in my home country), my partner who I came to live together with left his job before I moved
• First I moved into a house with my partner, his brother and brothers gf (4 of us). I started school to learn a language. He stayed home playing video games all the time. The biggest conflicts were always about the constant noise the gaming keyboard makes and that he was constantly on voice chat with everybody. I could not study and concentrate at all because of the noise. Worst was that he continued through all night as well so I couldn't sleep and was sleep deprived constantly. I tried to wear earphones, headphones and everything in between to block out the noise but it felt like hell. I managed to finish that school
• December 2024, he realized that he is very thight on money due to not having a job and asked help from parents who live literally across the street. They suggested us moving to them so they help with finances and he can search for work.
• January 2025 - we moved to parents in one day! because he didn't want to start preparing and packing beforehand. He made sure to very nicely package his computer gear and stuff and I did the rest. I continued language school on a higher level. Gaming sound situation was much better, he still didn't do anything else but gaming, but we each had our own little office and we agreed that this is a good setup.
• Middle of March 2025 - he got a job in a small city 5 hours from the one where parents and we lived. We searched for apartments and first it was a one room that was available and I panicked because I was not willing to deal with the noise again. The only thing that I could think about is that I cannot go back to being always sleep deprived and angry. We talked about him going first and when we can find a bigger one then I follow. Then he found a 4 room one in about 20 minutes drive from the city and he took it. I finished the second school.
• End of March we packed up everything and came to 4 room apartment. It is actually pretty nice and I like it here. We have our offices and the noise is fine too. Given the size of the apartment and the driving cost it is not the cheapest. Everybody started to push me to find a job immediately and I also know that it is important so I indeed started searching. Sadly knowing how long it took him to find one and me being not even a native speaker person, I don't have much hope of finding anytime soon but I didn't want to give up. I started sending out CVs and started treating language learning as a main job meanwhile.
• Today they (partner and parents) already started talking about getting a different apartment. Not renting one, buying one. They would be willing to help out financially and everything, which I don't understand why can't they do now. Maybe I'm stupid but how is it cheaper for them if they wanna help buying a whole new one again and spending even more again? Why did my partner the 4 room one if it was too expensive?
Anyway, what I'm trying to say in that I'm exhausted. Exhausted of the constant change, the constant moving around. I actually cried today when I saw the talk about the new apartment between my partner and his parents. I really seariously started to think about that if I need to move again it will be just back to my home country.
I don't know, I just feel so left alone somehow. I feel like that everything is blamed on me. Like "Why did you take the bigger apartment?" "Oh because SHE can't take the noise." "Because SHE wanted it" Yes, I can't take the noise. It's overwhelmnig because he is shouting all the time. We talked a lot about it, but it was always the fact that I need to change, that he changes his gaming habits too never came up.
I'm very sorry if it feels like I ramble, I just have a ton of emotions in me and I needed to get some of my thoughts out. I would appreciate advice, or just some calming words really.
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