I feel like I am behind everyone in life..

I never meet my expectations for myself, yet I keep demanding things that look realistic to me because other people are able to do it.. yet if I am into this whole productivity thing I feel so soulless and drained, like I am pushing myself through it.. I keep feeling guilty whenever I don't engage in something that is supposed to boost my value... yet I always get burnouts from pushing myself and having ambitions always does that to me...

I feel lost.. whenever I start enjoying something it becomes my ambition and I start pushing myself into becoming best at it and starting to hate it..

I really miss those good old moments where I could just play around and not worry about spending my time productively..

how could I get it back?