I don’t know what I want to do

Not sure if this is the right spot to post this but I’m sure some of you will relate or maybe even have been in my shoes once.

I am 17, a senior in high school, and I’m feeling a huge amount of pressure to decide the rest of my life right now. Everyone just expects I’ll go to college because I’m “so smart” but I’m feeling super burnt out and college isn’t really what I want to do or see myself doing. The funny thing is just a few months ago I expected the same of myself and I wanted to become a doctor, but now I realize I have no drive or passion for that, or even anything college can offer me for that matter.

I’m currently thinking about joining some branch of the military because I want to live a little bit and see the world instead of being cooped up in some classroom for the next 10 years. However, everyone around me tells me I’m stupid and that I should lean into my gifted academics instead. I also just want to get away from home. I don’t hate my parents but if I never see them again I won’t be upset.

I don’t want a family, or rather I don’t see myself having one. I’d rather die drunk and happy somewhere on the street at 35 than live to be 80 and die sad and alone. Maybe I’m immature but this is my genuine outlook on life, I do think life is worth living but not if you can’t enjoy it. It feels like I’ve just been doing what everyone wants me to do and nothing that I want to do, I just want to start living for myself.

Someone who’s been in my shoes: What choice did you make? Do you regret it? Would you have done things differently if you could?

Any advice helps a lot so please feel free to drop anything you want down there.