1 month ago
18
After being laid off and my gf leaving me for being broke, I understand that it’s not worth trying. I’ve been driving for Lyft the past 6mo and can’t find a decent job. I’m just going to drive, get fatter, and watch tv until I get robbed or in a car accident. If that happens, I’ll become a line cook and spend my nights drinking and watching tv till I’m old. I’ve worked so terribly hard on my education, and I have nothing now. People may think my gf is superficial, but what woman in their right mind wants to be with a Lyft driver? She could do much better, as she explained, and I’m not worth her breath.
With enough TV and scrolling and beer, things don’t seem so bad. I can just go through life numbing myself instead of trying to be on top of it all. Why was I programmed to slave away at degrees and certs, work 60hr weeks, and exhaust myself at the gym? Perhaps because we all love success stories? Maybe it’s a way to free yourself of future regret? To have a moment down the line, surrounded by a family and your accomplishments, and know you’re truly satisfied. You realize that it was all worth it and you’re finally proud of yourself.
Well I’m proud now to not give a shit. With what I went through and continue to go through, everyone else can feel as good as they want about their careers, experiences, or whatever. Ill just get good at managing the shame and regret that will come with doing nothing with myself. I only have any 30-40yrs left and there’s plenty of bullshit to distract me before departure.
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