I constantly think about a future partner, it’s awful (34M)

Having the thought of a woman in my life is the bane of my existence. It’s in my dreams and throughout my waking day. Whenever I’m at the gym, I end up over exerting myself since I’m surrounded by so many gorgeous women. I ran 8.5 miles yesterday and nearly passed out. I cried in my car on the way home. It’s pathetic. It’s so difficult to get a date. I don’t hold anything against women as I’m positive some of them feel the same way. I don’t know how to manage this aching desire. My heart fills with so much hope which crumbles under its own weight whenever I see a woman I’d love to approach. I don’t because I don’t want to bother people and it never works out. When I’m alone, it’s just a form of shame and resentment that leads to all these ideas I never follow through on. I wish this wasnt a biological problem. I do my best to focus on my research and hobbies to get through the day. However, right now that’s all my life is, getting through it, and hoping to find someone.

People say you must be happy first before meeting someone. I say to that statement you can only be so happy with this desire and constant thought. Other people say you can’t be desperate to enter a relationship. I say to this that desperation is my only real motivation.

I would trade everything in the world for a partner. Nothing else matters to me.