I am having a hard time with life

I really just hate my life. I mean no matter what I do I always end up back to the thought of my worth. I am always wondering why my life turned out like this. I only grew up with my dad since my mom left when I was young. My dad was great growing up but now I feel like he isn’t the best. I am always being ignored and shut away. I literally cannot handle it no more. I am always one to hide my emotions and not let them out. But I feel as if one day in the near future it will all become too much. I am struggling with school, I have no “real” friends. I have nobody but myself. It’s so hard to feel motivated when I have nothing waiting for me. I am always in my head thinking about my future that let me be honest will never happen. I feel like a total failure. I feel ugly. I feel as if no one likes me. I know that’s not true but it’s so hard to get out of the headspace. I feel like I am an awful person, when in reality I try to be my best. In the end I will never actually amount to nothing. I will never get a girlfriend. Never get any real friends. I will just always be alone. I think I just needed to put that out there. That I am always just going to be me. I really want to get out of this mind I have. I want to start living my life. I want to get away from the life I have now maybe that is what I have to do. Just runaway from my old self. The one no one likes. But I really don’t wanna leave me behind. I have been writing a lot and doubt no one has read this. That’s okay I really just needed to vent. Thanks.