4 hours ago
4
Earlier in the night, youtube recommended a channel I’ve never seen or heard before called ‘life of riza’ and it’s had a pretty big impact on me. Her videos were very calming and I love the style of it. Rarely do I enjoy videos for the filmography but her videos made me feel nostalgic and relaxed. She also has positive messages in them most of the time but it was really the scenes she captured that hit me hard for some reason.
While enjoying her videos it made me question how someone can be so talented and create these works of art while I’m still here trying to figure out what my ‘calling’ in life is- though I know damn well I am incapable of anything because I have zero passion or drive.
I think tonight is where I call it quits. I am tired of feeling like I am in this constant cycle of waiting for something to happen. I am always wondering what I was destined to do. I am turning 35 in a few months and I have an amazing life. I have a beautiful loving wife, two children and in the process of having more. I have so much to be thankful for. I have no real skills but I have a lot of love to give. I hate feeling like as if I’m meant for something greater. I want to just enjoy my life as it is, the way it’s meant to be. Telling myself I’m destined for greater things is probably the biggest lie I know. I think deep down I know it’s okay to just be a normal person, it’s just constantly reflecting on myself and comparing myself to others. There’s always room for improvement. I know if I don’t confront these feelings by acknowledging how toxic they are it will only get worse as I get older.
Just wanted to get this off my chest. I’m happy otherwise and I hope anyone that understands what I feel can also feel happy someday too.
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