I am 30. I achieved a lot and nothing.

Hi.

I am male, 30 years old and live in Germany since 2013. My CV is a bit unusual - from one hand I achieved a lot, from the other hand nothing...

• I speak 2 foreign languages. In country where I was born almost nobody speaks foreign languages, even young generation.
• In Germany I got bachelor degree, master degree and apprenticeship.
• I also got permanent residence and applied for German citizenship. I am not a citizen of European Union, that's why I had a lot of difficulties because of visa and access to job market.
• I also donated 50 liters of blood plasma for sick people. Unfortunately I can't do it anymore because of some health issues.
• although I am not reach I donated smth like 1000 euros for animals.
• I helped a lot of people in different occasions.
• I earn 1800 euros. For a good and comfortable life I need only 1100, and I can save 700 euros each month. Now I have 5000 on my bank account, in summer of this year I will have 10.000 euros. I earn definitely more money and have more social security in comparison to people from my country.
• I work as machine operator in factory and really love my job.

But each coin has two sides and I achieved nothing.

• From 2013 till 2023 I lived in shared Appartements with other students.
• Till 2023 my salary was really low and at the end of the month I had almost no money at all. I would like to work full-time, but because of laws I wasn't allowed to do that, with exception of jobs according to university degree.
• My bachelor's and masters degree are useless. I loved it, but I studied so much that I got burnout. In the field which I studied I can work at office and earn definitely more than 1800 euros a month, but now I hate this job and will not be happy if I work according to degree.
• Despite the fact I got burnout I sent a huge amount of applications in 2021 and 2022 in the field which I studied. According to the law I was obliged to work some time according to degree, otherwise I will get in trouble with authorities. I got rejected everywhere.
• after getting masters degree I made apprenticeship in fast food. It sounds crazy, but I am not a citizen of European Union and access to job market is difficult and laws for people who are willing to work are strict. I can act only according to the law and if I want to stay in Germany I must do this apprenticeship. Everybody got there minimum wage (12 euros an hour) but because of apprenticeship I earned only 5,50 euros an hour for the same work. I hated every day of this apprenticeship, and in fact I was a cheap employee,but I was desperate for residence permit. Luckily this apprenticeship lasted only 1,5 years. I left this fucking job 4 months after getting permanent residence.
• You have a reasonable question - why did you make apprenticeship in fast food?! I applied to a huge amount of apprenticeships in whole Germany, most of them were apprenticeship as qualified machine operator or environment protection worker. This jobs are definitely much more better than fast food, but I got rejected everywhere.
• I had only one relationship with woman when I was 21, it was unhappy and lasted only 4 months. I tried to get acquainted with women but unfortunately it didn't function, because there was no sympathy from my or her side.
• Because of the whole circumstances I had psychological problems and felt like a piece of shit.

Only after I got permanent residence in autumn 2023 I found a much more better appartment and better job.

I feel uncomfortable with my life from 20 to 30. From one hand due to working my ass off in this period I have a very good and comfortable life now, but in that period I only struggled. But from the other hand, a lot of 30-year-old people have families, have more money , they had a nicer life in their twenties and less psychological problems...

Now I have a new phase of my life which is much more better than previous years..Do you have any ideas how to stop thinking that I am looser and how to feel comfortable about myself and my life?.. Thank you!