I accepted loneliness as a Part of my life

I recently learned to accept loneliness and being alone. Im not necessarily entirely introverted, id say im an ambiviert. I was often alone and as a child it didn't bother me, i could just spend hours on the Tv, outside chilling or just well sitting alone. It didn't bother me that much. It only began to bother me as a teenager.Its normal that we grow more self conscious about our status growing up. I was really insecure back then. I tried fitting in but was very,very,veryyyy akward trying to do that. I pretended that i didn't care but i really cared and longed to be accepted. I often imagined myself being accepted, laughing, joking around but well it was that, my imagination. I just didn't fit in and my needines only pushed everyone even more away, though even when im myself people usually don't stick around.

All in all it kind of made me always stressed and a two faced bitch. I became so focused on how im viewed and achieving my goal of fitting in that i overlooked not only myself but also the people around me and how i negatively impacted them. After some events, it clicked. I really begann to see that everything in live is temporary. Be it good or bad things. If im alone or think im suffering, it's A just a moment and B just as bad as i let it be.If i give the fact that im mostly alone too much thought and get obsessive over it like i used to it's going to cause me unnecessary distress.

I think i accept myself more. I accept that im a bit akward and honestly boring. Im not the most expressive person, in my head quite often and perhaps a bit to serious and stiff at times but thats how i am. If others don't like me then it is that way. I can't change their views or inforce a relationship.