how's life at 20's?

to share mine, i wanted to start by asking if you guys also experience the difficulty of being in your 20's?

akala ko before, being in your 20's gonna make my life easier, kasi your an adult na magagawa mo na yung mga gusto mo..pero hindi pala. i was wrong about those thoughts, as i grew older i can see more clearly about life, yung mga responsibilities, lahat. pero alam nyo kung ano mas mahirap, being in your 20's jan na nagsisimula yung sinasabi nilang adulting diba, like i said mas naiintindihan ko na ngayon yung buhay, madami pala talagang responsibilities, number 1 na yung hindi ka mag fail. sa buhay man o bilang anak. because they expect a lot of things from us.

(just want to share my story)

i grew up in a household na sarili ko lang kakampi ko, to give you context my dad had me nung kabataan nya so he wasn't really serious about having me but his dad took me in which is my lolo, from then my life hadn't been so easy, at first pinagpapasa-pasahan ako ng mga relatives sa sidr ni papa kung sino mag-aalaga saken cuz i was still a baby back then. to make the story short— when i was 6, my dad decided to raise me pero before that meron na syang bagong pamilya, my dad was ready to settle with her new wife and his wife son. to be precise they enter in a relationship were both of them had child. it was pretty much rollercoaster, why?

i was deprived by so many things, my dad is the who works for the family which is pretty much basic that he is the one who provides for the family. ako, ang stepmom ko at yung anak lang nya naiiwan sa bahay, naalala ko non bawal kumuha ng pagkain ng hindi nagpapaalam sa kanya, bawal manood ng tv ng hindi nya sinasabi, etc..there so many rules to follow...but its okay, those are just rules, whats not okay is yung pambubugbog. kahit maliit na bagay napapagalitan ako non hahaha, to tell you i was just 12 or 13 back then thru oit my life i need to endure those insult and pananakit para sa dad ko, i remember back in my elem days pumapasok ako ng walang baon habang nakikita ko yung anak nya na may baon, i was so naive back then idk how to fight back. that kind of life lasted up until in my senior highschool days. baka may magtanong if hindi ba ako nagsusumbong sa dad ko, i did guys. i did, nagsumbong ako nagsabi ako naglabas ako ng sama ng loob at lahat ng naranasan ko sa kamay ng wife nya, and to make me feel better inaway nya yung stepmom ko but after that, wala pang isang araw okay na ulit sila hahaha, and u know what ang sasabihin lang sakin ng stepmom ko "homewrecker" "sampid" "pinagtyatyagaan ng tatay kasi wala namang kukuha" etc. those are some harsh words that i could still hear up until now. i'm 21 na btw.

fast forward, syempre they are still together and kailangan ko na makisama ng maayos kasi i'm an adult na, hindi na ako bata para magtantrums at iyakan yung mga simpleng bagay na makakahurt saken. kailangan ko na mag move forward.

i've been celebrating my christmas and new year without them, yes i decided to live with my lola. its been 3 years na since then. but up until now i was still treated like ako na yung pinaka-masamang tao. i've endured enough pero hindi e haha. its funny how its always my fault but never theres.

bakit palaging ako? i know may mga difficulties din sila pero paano naman ako? ang dami kong namiss sa life ko, i never get to enjoy my teen age years kasi naging parang katulong ako samin, kailangan ko alagaan yung mga kapatid ko kasi nagkaroon na ng 2 anak yung dad at stepmom ko. kailangan ko magpaka-ate. kailangan ko tumulong. ngayon habang tinitignan ko sila, naiinggit ako.kasi i never get to experience being loved by a mother at maging anak. i was treated like a nanny kasi haha.

how i wish my life would be a little easier for my age.

gaano ba kahirap pa?