How do you stand up to parents when you want independence but dont want to hurt them?

I’m a 23-year-old living with my parents, and I’m struggling to find the balance between asserting my independence and maintaining peace at home. Recently, it’s become an intense issue because I’ve planned a trip to visit someone important to me in another country. I’ve paid for the ticket, and I’m emotionally invested in going, but my parents are pressuring me to cancel it.

They want me to attend a family gathering that isn’t even on a major holiday (I’ll still be home for the actual holiday itself). My dad explicitly told me, “I expect you to cancel your flight,” and while he admits it’s my decision, he keeps warning me to “beware of the consequences after.” My mom is deeply hurt by my refusal and has even said she might need to involve extended family or find a way to “walk away” if things don’t change. It’s emotionally exhausting, and I feel trapped between doing what I want for myself and avoiding conflict with them.

To add more context: • My relationship with my mom is strained—she can be controlling, intrusive, and emotionally volatile. She often bursts into my room unannounced, pushes her opinions on my personal life (including who I date), and rarely takes accountability.

• My dad is more of an enabler. While he tries to keep the peace, he also pressures me to apologize or give in to my mom’s demands. • I’ve been trying to establish healthier boundaries, but every time I push back, it turns into a bigger emotional ordeal where I’m accused of being ungrateful or hateful.

I’m scared that if I go on this trip, they’ll escalate things—whether that’s emotionally cutting me off, making my home life worse, or using extended family to pressure me further. But if I cancel, I know I’ll resent them for it.

I know I’m an adult, and technically I don’t need their permission, but emotionally, it’s not that simple. I don’t want to permanently damage my relationship with them, but I also don’t want to live in fear of upsetting them every time I make a decision for myself.

How do you navigate standing up to your parents for your independence while managing the emotional fallout? Any advice, similar experiences, or insights would be greatly appreciated.