Grief is weird

Everyday in my journal I write a word, the definition, and what that word to means to me. Yesterday night I was looking at words and was trying to choose which one I wanted to write down. Here lately I have been thinking a lot of loved ones that have passed and this past relationship I was in. So I decided to choose the word grief. Grief is weird because other emotions usually get a build up but I feel like grief can/will hit you out of nowhere even on your happiest days. I just think of all the great memories I had one them and all of the new things I learned about myself and then they’re gone. You see things that remind you of them, do things that remind you of them, and at times meet people that remind you of them. I think what makes grief weird is how sad it is but also how happy it can be. You will always think about that person and never forget them but damn it’s still not the same without them. However, grief to me is also an expression of love in its purest form. It’s the price you pay to love. Grieving over them also shows just how much they meant to you and that you truly did love them. I miss the hell out of all of them but also thank them for making be able to feel this emotion even if it’s at times sad. The only thing that can fix/help grief is time. I’ve dealt with it the wrong way all my life trying to drown it in alcohol or avoid feeling it by drug use. Now that I’m sober and feeling this way,it’s sad but also just thankful I was loved and can love someone to the point of always missing them.