Figuring my shit out

I’ve never made a post before and am a little nervous doing so now. I’m 18m and honestly as long as I can rememeber, I’ve been happy. Not necessarily giddy with joy or constantly satisfied, but I have always felt confident with how shit is. I woke up every morning looking forward to the little in between comforts that most people seek. I liked my friends, jerking off, walking eating, just generally content with the reality of things.

I’ve been smoking weed pretty heavily for the past 2 years and have definitely been using it as a crutch to make things seem more palatable and fun. However recently I had a panick attack (or what I assume was a panic attack (everything felt off, I legitimately made my head spin with reality of existing) and honestly I haven’t felt the same since. Everything seems kinda gloomy and pointless. Coming to terms with the fact that I’m not gonna live forever has been a sobering experience. I’m still smoking but honestly being high doesn’t seem to make anything better, it just makes me ponder life’s questions more which ALWAYS results in me feeling like shit and anxious. I can’t wait for something to change, I’ve never been an anxious person and this new emotion seems to have really taken control of me to a point where I feel guilty. I have a good fsmily, a girlfriend who’s patient and loves me. On a good day I can even pass as handsome…despite all this there seems to be this looming fear of everything. I worry about horrible things happening to me and wondering how many days I have left.

I can say I haven’t done much to help myself. I have a shitty work ethic and not much to show for the time I’ve been around. I also haven’t done much to feel better. I’m still a habitual pot user and for someone my age I’ve probably been drinking too much too. I’m not prescribed anything so I’ve always kinda self medicated. Anyways I know this is rambling as fuck I’m jus praying I can sort my shit out while there’s still time. Everyone around me keeps saying my whole life is ahead of me, but honeslty it doesn’t feel like that. Something about this depressive state has me convinced I’m dying. Does it get better?????