Fear of ending up and dying alone

I have this constant need for “the other half”. I’m constantly thinking about my loved one that does not even exist. How to stop this. It’s like a non stop TV show in my head.

I’ve met great men, but I haven’t fallen in love with them. That makes this all even more difficult. Because I know how hard it is to find love.

This is so painful, it’s almost physical. I know I should focus on other things and I do keep myself busy normally because I need to escape this feeling. Now I’ve been sick at home and that feeling to feel love and to be loved has just overran me.

I am only 33, I know there is still time, but when it’s my time. I’m utterly sad about this. Right now life does not make sense.