Considering leaving my girlfriend

(Skip to TLDR if you don't want to read a lot)

We have been together for 3.5 years and both are in our early 30's.

I love her dearly. She has been good to me for the most part, but I feel there are fundamental things that I CANNOT get over, & I realize the things I now want/need in this relationship, she doesn't possess most of it nor bring to the table. So now I'm just breeding resentment in this relationship and its hard on me now.

It's been rough, we don't live together (I never expected me and a potential partner 3.5 years later to not be). We live with our parents still (HCOL area) and we have modest jobs/pay. Her mom has been diagnosed with Colon Cancer since the start of our relationship. It weighed heavily on her as the main caretaker but also on me to some extent. I'm by no means saying I share her exact burden, but I've always helped as much as I could with her and her mother. (Taking her mom to visits when she can't, showing up at the hospital to support or picking her mom up or waiting the parking lot for the visits to finish). This makes me feel guilt, at times I feel I would've left long ago if it wasn't for her and her mom's situation and how bad I feel for her.

Now she had terrible financial habits that I help her manage. She had no savings and didn't budget. I save her money for her, & I constantly have to remind her to continue saving and not spending impulsively. I also got her loans to be forgiven (still ongoing), I knew this could put a damper on our financial future if her debt situation was never addressed. (75k debt) and it made me really hesitant to pursue college again because I needed reassurance the forgiveness would start before I begin my own college endeavor and owe money myself, for context I've only owed less than 4k).

She kept going in and out of jobs and part of it was because she had to call out at times to make her mom's appointments, but sometimes the job just wasn't a good fit for her. The job she's held down now-- I was the one who got the interview for her through a friend.

In the beginning I told myself I wanted a caring, loving, ambitious and smart woman, and sure she's lovely and smart in her own ways but she doesn't pursue her passion no matter how much free time she has. She doesn't work out or go to the gym, and I feel bad because I try to inspire her and be positive about it while also doing the things I ask of her myself, and I am careful about not shaming her, but I realize these are things that I want in a partner, not someone who comes home from work and just doom scrolls and only relies on me for happiness. I told her time and time again she needs to have her own thing going on, have her own hobbies and interests she pursues. But really, she doesn't aside from the rare hangout with her small group of friends. She loves fashion and I offered to get her a sewing machine or help fix her resume, but she always ends up saying it's because of her mom and sometimes cries about it. Then it's back to square one.

At one point her mom had reached a remission, or free of cancer for a few months. During those months she was happier sure, but didn't change much outside of that. I feel like i have to take care of so much for her and I've told her this before. I don't want to feel like I'm dating a child. She takes care of her mom in a responsible way and cooks for her house and whatnot but outside of that it's like most things fall on me. But let there be some sort of event coming up, like a birthday or something and she dials in to get things done. I'm frustrated and keep daydreaming about dating other women, but I fear that I won't find someone as loyal as her but logically I know it's possible. I just don't want to break her heart especially if I don't feel sure it's the best move. Perhaps I've gotten too comfortable with this relationship, and I truly need advice or some outside perspective.

TLDR: After 3.5 years together, I'm struggling with resentment in my relationship. I love my girlfriend but feels she lacks ambition, financial responsibility, and personal passions, qualities I now realize I need in a partner. We don’t live together, we both reside with our parents in a high-cost area, and her mom’s colon cancer has added strain, with me helping as a caretaker.

I managed her $75k debt and job instability, but feel burdened, like I'm dating a child. Despite her loyalty and care for her mom and myself, I'm frustrated by her lack of growth and daydreams about other women. I need advice on where to go from here.