Clarice Lispector and the curse of self-awareness

Prefacing: I am merely a reader and not good at analysing and worse at penning down my thoughts in words. But I am compelled because of the deep hold Clarice's words have on my brain.

I was thinking about The Hour of the Star by Clarice Lispector I was taken by Clarice perspective of self-awareness and consciousness as sort of a curse in contrast to someone that lived without thinking (like Macabea) as truly happy and content.

.......must make it clear that this girl does not know herself apart from the fact that she goes on living aimlessly. Were she foolish enough to ask herself 'Who am I?', she would fall flat on her face. For the question 'Who am I?' creates a need. And how does one satisfy that need? To probe oneself is to recognize that one is incomplete.

So the quest to understand yourself beyond the fact that you live is a quest bound to make you uncomfortable and unsettled, which is what happened to Macabea - her life and bliss ended when she was confronted with reality that her life - that there are other ways of feelings.

Such as, in Near to the Wild Heart, Joana stated that "the only truth is that I live." but asking "who am I? Well, that's a bit much."