Being inexplicably bad at maths has ruined my self confidence irremediably (long rant, please read)

It's not that I don't have my talents; I am in fact way above average when it comes to learn new languages, I have sharp critical thinking skills, I'm a born manager (as in I'm extremely good at interpreting the world and putting things together to create new decisional paths), I'm good at communicating and conveying my ideas and I have always been fairly good at understanding science, but I for the life of me have never been able to grasp even the most basic mathematical concepts.

Most people in my life have been telling me that it doesn't matter and I don't need maths to be successful for as long as I can remember. I know they have the best intentions, but the simple idea of not possessing any quantitative skills in the modern world and in the current economy feels like the biggest handicap one could ever be victim of.

When I was choosing my college major I had to give up on everything that involved any degree of maths: I couldn't look into engineering, computer science, physics, chemistry, even if I would have absolutely LOVED to study anything related to these fields. I didn't have the courage to look into life sciences for fear of falling behind because of that one exam that involved maths.

I eventually "settled" on political science. I really loved it, a. because (at least) I'm lucky enough to enjoy anything that involves studying and challenging myself, and b. because it provided me with a deeper understanding of decision-making, but somehow it still feels like a loss.

In April 2024 I got my first job; it's some kind of managerial jobs in the healthcare field, and so far I've been managing projects that contributed to the internationalisation of my company, the exchange of best practices and the implementation of an agreement that enables doctors from different countries to exchange knowledge and consult to come up with better diagnoses. Moreover, I've been helping with bolstering lifelong learning culture within the company and managing relationships with foreign companies to provide top-notch learning for our staff, as well as setting up the conditions to carry out training required by our national Recovery Plan (my europals will know what I'm talking about).

Everyone tells me I should be proud of myself for achieving all of this in under a year, especially because our company completely lacked international vocation before I came around, and sometimes I feel like I should think of this opportunity as the first step towards getting decision-making and policy-making roles in a filed I deeply care about.

Yet, 90% of the time I feel absolutely discouraged. I cry about all the missed opportunity, I cry about not having as many choices of other people, I cry about my inclination that pushes me towards having a wide-range mentality only few possess at the expenses of not being able to focus on a technical topic, I cry about not working in tech when tech is now everything (as irrational as it might sound), I cry about not having become a researcher as I always wanted.

I know, I know that if I pour my heart and my mind into what I do I can be on the other side of the game, I can be the one that decides what is good and virtuous for my organisation/region/country/entity, and that success is different for everyone, but I still feel awful. I feel awful because it all feels so far away, so vague, so difficult to achieve. I feel awful because I don't have an identity; my friends will call themselves physicists, chemists, doctors, but I have nothing to define myself.

Sometimes I feel like leaving everything behind and going back to college to study something else, to start over, hoping my brain has finally matured in my mid-20s and I can face mathematical challenges with less anxiety and somehow make it. Some other times I just wish I could make peace with myself and enjoy what I'm doing and know I will be okay.

I'm trying.