AITA?

so i need some advice.
for some background, i was gr**med HEAVILY for about...2 years approx.

and when my dad found out he dint take it well and..well got physical.
im still very much scared of him.
posting this on reddit was really difficult for me.

since my parents have started acting like sweet elders recently. its stressing me out a LOT.
its like i need constant verbal ab*** and criticism. i have tried A LOT to get out of this mind set and i cant go to therapy but i desperately need therapy of some sort.

this mindset is keeping on edge constant and its affecting my grades.
my parents have embedded the thought that I was the AH and the sinner for letting myself get...gr**med.
its a sensitive topic but i was only 12 when it happened and i dint know any better because of emotional and mental neglect.

lately this almost anx*ous feeling is getting worse and i need help on how to stop it.