4 hours ago
5
Do you or have you ever felt completely lost, but you can’t seem to figure out why? You’ve tried medication, you’ve seen a psychiatrist and spoke to counselors. You’ve talked to loved ones, even yourself. You’re still lost, but nothing is working no matter what you “thought you’ve done”.
Some of those things can help, but sometimes it can only be short-term or even make things worse - depending on the severity of the mental struggle you’re facing.
Let me ask you this - have you ever looked into your soul, like your actual God-given soul. A lot of people use the term “soul searching” out of context when it is actually real, and helpful.
Think about the way some Authors begin the start of a book. How they create an outline-guide of their topic. The main topic being in the middle of the page and subtopics being branched from the main topic.
It’s okay to reach into your soul and deeper parts of your mind! You may not want to think about dreadful memories, but it may be the key to everything (as weird as that sounds).
Reaching into your soul and mind may bring up painful things you thought you wanted to forget, but it can be a very rewarding to put them all together - to have a strategic outcome for your future mental health.
I am saying all of this to say this:
I’ve been through many traumatic events in my life, until about 3 years ago. I’ve grew up where there were always people around me. Partying, fighting, yelling, toxicity and absolute chaos. My sibling stayed on the worst kind of drugs for long periods of time. I’ve had a raging alcoholic stepfather who did some horrific things. I’ve never struggled with a true addiction, but I’ve always been surrounded by it.
When I met my now husband - together for 9 years now, he was also an alcoholic. There were mostly good times, until there weren’t. Next month he will be 3 years sober, but next month would have been my 3rd year of mental struggle - if I didn’t finally figure out what was wrong.
My mental struggles were because of my sibling and husband getting sober. As selfish as that sounds, it’s the truth.
To sum it up for you all, I was grieving the loss of the chaos. I was grieving the loss of trying to fix everyone else’s problems. I was grieving the loss of everything my life once was. It may sound crazy to you, but it is eye-opening to me.
I was supposed to be happy that my sibling and husband got sober! Happy that the toxicity was gone - but I wasn’t. It was like a hit of dopamine, an adrenaline rush - when something bad, sad or “exciting” happened!
So when my mental health declined I started gambling, spending money like I had it and went into major debt, trying to fill that void of the unnecessary “excitement” that I was looking for. I even ruined my career that I absolutely loved to my core.
My former boss didn’t understand my mental struggles - I assume he’s never been through anything that I have, but I understand why he couldn’t understand.
You may ask, how can someone do that? How can someone be so stupid and selfish? Well the answer is very clear, I was selfish and stupid - I was also confused. I had no one to guide me because they didn’t have a single clue of what I was going through mentally.
Remember, you shouldn’t turn someone away or judge them because of what you think you know. You should instead be there for them. I used to be great, I used to be awesome, powerful and strong! Guess what??? I AM BACK!
I am officially regaining my strength! I am smart again, clear minded and powerful. 💪
Most of all I am so happy and thankful that my family is still together through all of this. I may have lost the job of my dreams, but at least I can say I am happy now. My mental decline is over❗️
For anyone reading this, I pray that you find peace. I pray that you find your new beginning. I pray for comfort and guidance!
I pray that this reaches someone, even if it’s 1 person.
Everyone deserves a real story to read! Helping someone in anyway and hopefully reaching their soul is the purpose of this post.
You are NOT alone!!
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